Spam ain't the move, it's imitation ham
Ham is pork and the pork is foul
-Milk & King Ad Rock's "Spam"
Growing up with Spam might sound gross to some of you, but I'm from Hawai'i, where Spam is the unofficiai Hawai'i state meat. For the record, there is no official Hawai'i state meat but if there was, the decision would be made by someone who doesn't have any upbringing in Hawai'i but that's another topic, another time.
For about a year or so I've been downloading podcasts from PDX.fm, specifically a show previously called Portland Sucks, which has now morphed into Morning Submission. The show features Robert Wagner, Sabrina Miller, Emily Gibson, and Jay Mackin, and together they bring in current events, news, weather, traffic, and a whole lot of "whatever" and the great part about the show is that whatever. One never knows what to expect, and you get a chance to hear very different opinions on everything from bicycling to dating, eating to jail tips, sex to the wonders of mainstream pop culture, and much more. It became of interest to me because originally I wanted to download some podcasts of Portland radio programming, as the city has been a place I've wanted to move to for awhile. The internet is front of me, take advantage, right? Morning Submission is my daily pre-recorded habit, so it came as a surprise to me that a topic on the June 10th installment would be Spam. I knew it would be either mocked, hated, or both, I knew that it wasn't going to be a good discussion. Not only was there a discussion, but that talk had to do with a taste test. (You can stream or download the full episode by clicking here. It is 72 minutes into the show.)
I wanted to comment on it because as someone who eats Spam, I thought the taste test was hilarious. Granted, Spam is not a gourmet food and it can be argued that it shouldn't be food. The test itself also features special guest Quiz Master Polly, so as the test begins, I know that Gibson, who loves various beats and alcoholic beverages, is the one who bought the cans of Spam into the PDX.fm studio. As I'm listening, I'm wondering "I don't hear anything sizzling". Then Wagner takes in the smell from the open cans, and I forgot: "people here on the mainland prefer to eat their Spam raw." Let me say that the meat inside the can is technically not raw, you are able to eat it that way. The way I was raised, Spam was always cooked, no exception. As I'm listening, I thought crap, this is not only going to be hilarious, but gross. They're going to eat "raw Spam"? Man.
The Spam varieties (for those who don't know, there are varieties of Spam) that were tested were turkey, hickory, or bacon. None of these are the regular, standard Spam, so the cans are opened and it seems each person in the studio has a taste by having a spoonful, with the Spam gel still there. Immediately, everyone hates it. The flavor is awful, texture is weird, and combine that with the uncooked smell and it's not making people happy. Wagner looks at the ingredients on one of the cans, and discovers it has about seven ingredients. Nothing too complex or technical, you eat what you read. They each try another variety, and there's a lot of discomfort going around. It sounds like they're all struggling. One of them asks if Spam is supposed to be cooked, and Miller says something to the effect of "oh no, am I going to get sick?" The conversation leads to whether or not Spam is good, and if they would rather eat dog food or Spam. They speak of its high salt content, and wonder why anyone would ever eat this crap.
I wanted to reply just to talk a bit about this "weird" meat called Spam. It is "spiced ham", or pork shoulder, and the stigma people have about it comes from World War II, when it was the "cheap meat" that could be preserved in salt without refrigeration for days. Soldiers had fun with what they thought the Spam looked and smelled like, and when World War II ended, they also brought back Spam. It would soon become "poor man's meat" and a portion of the American population felt no need to "go back" to eating like a soldier or eating poor. Meanwhile, in various ethnic communities, Spam was the economical meat, and like any cheap cut, one was forced to stretch it in as many ways as possible. In Hawai'i, where a love for anything salty is the norm, Spam was embraced because of the many ethnicities there. One meal lead to others, everyone "passed the plate" and soon people were creating more dishes with Spam, often substituting proper meats with Spam. It got to the point where eating Spam became a part of the norm, possible one of the few states in the U.S. where restaurants serve Spam in some form on a regular basis, be it Spam & eggs, Spam omelet, or sliced Spam in a bowl of saimin (ramen).
If there is a normal way to eat Spam, it's to open up the can, wipe the gel off, and slice it. You can make between 10 to 15 slices of Spam from the meat in the can, depending on how thinly you slice it. You can do it of course with a knife, or if you have a cheese cutter, you can use that. There's also a utensil that you can use which will make slices all at once, similar to those used on potatoes. Once they're cut, you can put them in a pan or grill. Spam is very oily, so you don't need to add anything to cook it. Let it brown, then flip, it takes about a minute or two to brown, then put it on your plate. Like bacon, you can have the Spam be light in texture or crispy. If you have a cheese cutter, you can also cut it longer so you can have a bigger slice, which is good if you're making a sandwich. If you cut it properly, you can then cut that long piece in half and have it look like bacon, or the short lived Spam strips, which had the same look as Sizzlean. Again, my preference for Spam is cooked, but feel free to eat it "raw" if you want. If you are a college student and don't have a pan to cook Spam, you can cook it on a George Foreman grill. They take about two to three minutes to cook.
These books aren't just simple "let me slap a slice of Spam in a bread slice with mayonnaise and call it a day", although you can have it that simple. We're talking full stews, soups, or use it to accompany any dish. Spam maple bars, maybe? Eh, I think if you were to make them crispy, you could dice up the cooked Spam and sprinkle it over a maple bar but maybe not.
Maybe you've heard about Spam musubi, but have no idea how to make one. People in Hawai'i used to make them by cooking rice, getting the nori, then creating a rice ball by hand. Then after cleaning out the Spam can, they'd place it in the can as a makeshift mold. A sheet of nori wraps up the rice cube, a slice of Spam is placed on top, pop it in the can, push, and voila, Spam musubi. The old style Spam cans used to slice up fingers, and blood on Spam musubi is not good, so now you can buy something like this:
If Spam is not to your liking, you can create teriyaki chicken musubi, teriyaki hot dog musubi, salmon musubi, and whatever you feel like cramming in there. If you are in Portland, I know of at least one cart that sells Spam musubi, and they're reasonably cheap too, as they should be.
